FILM REVIEW: DECLARATION OF WAR

Palace Films
Now Showing




Who'd be a parent? Seriously, it's just one thing after another: the birth, raising, feeding and educating the kids, and hoping to get them to adulthood relatively intact and unscarred. And it doesn't even stop once they turn 18, leave home and begin lives of their own.

Parenthood wasn't the first thing on the minds of young lovers, Romeo (Jeremie Elkaim) and Juliette (Valerie Donzelli), when they locked eyes across a crowded room. But after a whirlwind romance, the pair are living together in Paris apartment and not before long, they are welcoming their first child into the world.

Baby Adam seems like a perfectly normal, happy infant at first. Sure he cries a lot, and he throws up after feeding, but don't all babies? But it's when the young parents notice their baby boy has a slight swelling of the face that a darker reason for his moods and vomiting is uncovered: a brain tumour.

Based on the actual experiences of one-time couple, Donzelli and Elkaim (both wrote the screenplay; she directs), Declaration of War avoids the pitfalls of the 'sick child' movie, which are almost always maudlin and manipulative, by speaking with a uniquely personal voice.

That voice may result in some odd stylistic choices -- one musical number between the pair surprises with its randomness -- but I'd much prefer this to the usual hair-pulling, chest-beating, over-emoting we have to endure in these sorts of films (although there is a little of that when the news is first delivered).

Thankfully, there's also a lot of humour in Declaration Of War, be it the couples' parents (Juliette's are a bourgeois couple who constantly bicker like long-time marrieds do; Romeo's mother has a female partner, and the pair are simultaneously arty and pragmatic), the people they encounter in the medical fraternity, or the couple themselves. A wonderful scene has the two joking about how they'll continue to love their son whilst bestowing upon him a litany of afflictions.

And who are we to suggest how someone should react to bad news? Grief is as individual and personal an emotional response as happiness or love. Not that Declaration Of War is a downer. While I'm loathe to use terms such as "life affirming" and "uplifting" (descriptors which immediately turn me off), the film is a positive viewing experience.

It is emotional, sure, but that emotion is neither forced nor the overriding point of the film. If anything, Declaration Of War is a survival tale and a celebration of life; a film to be embraced not avoided.

FILM REVIEW: WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING

Roadshow Films
Now Showing




A film based on a pregnancy guide is hardly the eyebrow raiser that it should be, certainly not in this cinematic age where we've had films based on a dating guide (He's Just Not That Into You, itself spun out from one line in an episode of TV's Sex and the City), and one lame-ass blockbuster about invading aliens based on a static boardgame with nary an alien in sight (here's looking at you, Battleship).

What To Expect When You're Expecting was originally a guide for expectant first time parents written by Heidi Murkoff, and I certainly hope it was more informative and comforting than the film version is.

Directed by Kirk Jones (who made the first Nanny McPhee), and adapted by Shauna Cross and Heather Hach, What To Expect bears little if any resemblance to the actual pregnancy journey. In fact, it's almost as potent a contraceptive as We Need To Talk About Kevin; certainly the characters here -- paper thin and borderline grotesques -- leave you with the sinking feeling that the human race should perhaps be spayed.

Jules (Cameron Diaz) and Evan (Matthew Morrisson) meet on a reality dance show, and love blossoms between the celeb (Jules is the trainer/host of a weight loss program) and the male dancer with an unplanned pregnancy the result; Holly (Jennifer Lopez) and Alex (Rodrigo Santoro) want a child but, unable to conceive, look to adopting from overseas; while Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) and Gary (Ben Falcone) have tried for years to have a child, conceiving when least expected but only to have their good news gazumped by Gary's father, Ramsey (Dennis Quaid), and his young bride, Skyler (Brooklyn Decker), who announce they're having twins.

Banks' Wendy is the closest the film comes to any sense of reality, with the baby shop proprietor experiencing a pregnancy like most mothers do: sore breasts, constipation, and a lack of control of one's bladder, bowel and emotions.

Less convincing is the group of fathers who meet every Saturday to swap war stories about parenting; revealing their stuff ups and failings without fear or judgement. Led by Chris Rock's Vic, the dads act as a Greek chorus of sorts who are vaguely amusing, and more so than they are authentic. They're there only to appease the men dragged along to see What To Expect.

Adding even less value to proceedings is a miscarriage storyline involving rival food van operators, Rosie (Anna Kendrick) and Marco (Chace Crawford). They have a one night stand and obviously don't practise safe sex, as Rosie falls pregnant and the pair become a makeshift couple.

But when Rosie suffers a miscarriage, the film, after raising the idea that not all pregnancies go smoothly, moves on a quickly as possible. No time for grief -- or reality -- here, folks.

While not as painful as actual childbirth -- or even as painful as expected -- What To Expect When You're Expecting may still require the film going equivalent of an epidural to get you through it.

FILM REVIEW: MEN IN BLACK 3

Sony Pictures
Now Showing





For seemingly no other reason than that all film franchises nowadays must be trilogies, we have Men In Black 3; 10 years after the second instalment, and 15 years after we were first introduced to Agents K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith), members of a secret organisation keeping the world's alien population in-check and the citizens of Earth safe from the ones who haven't come in peace.

That first film, directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, was a fun, breezy sci-fi caper with impressive (late 90s) special effects, and a sense of humour, most of which derived from the odd couple pairing of the craggy faced veteran, Jones, and the streetwise, wisecracking Smith.

Fifteen years later, the odd couple now resemble a long-term married couple; bickering at the slightest provocation but communicating actual thoughts and feelings less and less. Jones' Agent K looks particularly tired (more so than usual), and I'd suggest the actor only signed on to do MIB3 on the condition that he didn't have to do all that much.

That would certainly explain why Agent K, or rather Jones, is sidelined for the majority of the film, as Agent J travels back to 1969 to prevent K (now played uncannily by Josh Brolin) from being killed during a mission which, if not successfully completed, will result in a future full-scale alien invasion of Earth.

That invasion will be lead by Boris The Animal (Jemaine Clement, channelling Tim Curry; seriously, it was halfway into the film before I recognised the Flight of the Conchords actor), a Bogladite who, in 1969, was arrested by Agent K.

Escaping from a moon-based prison in 2012, Boris travels back to 1969 to help his younger self succeed where he originally failed, and to prevent the loss of a much-missed arm which he suffered the first time round.

There are minor laughs to be had in Men In Black 3 -- Agent J having to come to terms with an America not comfortable seeing a black man in a nice suit let alone driving a car, and the revelation that Andy Warhol (Bill Hader) was actually an MIB agent who hated art and free love ("I can't tell the women from the men!") -- but thankfully, it doesn't rely on fish-out-of-water comedy like the recent Dark Shadows (tellingly, 1969 Americans are more perturbed by a well dressed black man than they are by a 200-year-old vampire in 1972).

Surprisingly, the most welcome addition to this universe (other than Brolin) is not Emma Thompson -- whose Agent O (played in 1969 by Alice Eve) may or may not have been more romantically involved with the young Agent K -- but Michael Stuhlbarg, best known for the Coen Brothers' A Serious Man (2009) and television's Boardwalk Empire.

Stuhlbarg plays Griffin, an alien being who is able to simultaneously glimpse multiple futures, with a wide-eyed yet all-knowing innocence. Griffin holds the key to the success of Agent K's original 1969 mission, along with an admiration for the persistence of the human race and its potential for miracles.

And that may be the optimism fans of the Men In Black franchise will have to adopt going in to MIB3. The film is by no means a disaster (it's more underwhelming than awful; the VFX are good but as always, the 3D is completely unnecessary), but the third time is certainly not the charm.

You won't require a dose of Agents J and K's neurolizer to make you forget the film, but you'll find the lasting effects of this third (and final?) Men In Black outing just as easily forgotten.

FILM REVIEW: BEL AMI

Hopscotch Films
Now Showing




There is a scene early on in Bel Ami, Rachel Bennette's adaptation of Guy de Maupassant's classic novel (directed by Declan Donnellan and Nick Ormerod), where anti-hero, Georges Duroy, sits opposite three attentive, wealthy women and returns their smiles with a grin resembling that of a fox who has just been invited to dine in a hen house.

Georges (Robert Pattinson) is, in fact, a wolf who hungers after money and influence in 1890s Paris. An ex-soldier of poor means, he's devised the best way to achieve his goals is through the wives of the powerful men. To paraphrase Edward Albee's Who Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, the best way to a man's heart is through his wife's stomach.

Clotilde de Marelle (Christina Ricci) is the first chickadee to succumb to Georges' charms. Setting up a love nest for the two and lavishing the handsome young man with gifts, it is Clotilde's young daughter who dubs Georges 'Bel Ami' (fine friend), a name which soon catches on, teasingly among the women of Parisian high society, and disdainfully amongst the menfolk.

But when opportunity presents itself, Georges carelessly abandons Clotilde and marries the second of those women, the newly-widowed Madeleine Forestier (Uma Thurman). A woman with a fierce intellect and an independent spirit, Madeleine's not about to relinquish control -- of her ideals, or her finances -- to her younger husband.

And when all else fails in his efforts to remain in the inner circle of the politically-minded newspaper, La Vie Francaise, he works for (in the loosest sense of the word), Georges sets about seducing Virginie Rousset (Kristen Scott Thomas), the wife of the newspaper's editor (Colm Meaney).

It was at Madame Rousset's suggestion that Georges kept his position with the newspaper when it was revealed he wasn't much chop as a writer, and the long-neglected wife reacts to the cad's affections like a lovesick schoolgirl. Of course, her attitude changes dramatically when Georges attentions turn elsewhere (yet closer to home).

All three women are wonderful in their roles. Ricci and Thurman, who seem rarely to appear on screen these days, represent two types of women operating completely differently within their social sphere, while Scott Thomas, always a welcome presence in any film, manages to be both comic and pitiable (she could also have performed the role in French; everyone speaks with English accents despite their being Parisians).

Bel Ami is a perfectly solid period drama which is perhaps less scandalous and political than when de Maupassant's novel was first published but is no less enjoyable for that. Indeed there are parallels with modern times -- Western interference in the Middle East; adoration and success for the talentless -- which will amuse but also, sadly, prove de Maupassant's concerns no less relevant today.

And as testament to de Maupassant's writing, the film doesn't allow the production design to do all the work: it's the characters and not the costumes which keep us engaged. On the other hand, Rachel Portman's score, composed with Laksham Joseph de Saram, effectively sets the moods of the piece and, in particular, the character of Georges, who's given a suitably predatory theme.

Surprisingly, and to his credit, Robert Pattinson is rather convincing as a cad. Like Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe, Pattinson might take a little time to shake his Twilight persona, but with films like Bel Ami, and the soon-to-be released David Cronenberg feature, Cosmopolis, he's headed in the right direction. And unlike Georges Duroy, he seems prepared to put in the hard work.