Sunday, 22 August 2010
FILM REVIEW: PIRANHA 3D
If I were a quote whore and eager to see my name on a print advertisement for a movie, I might say that Piranha 3D is “the best man-eating fish film you'll see in 3D this year!” Quote or no quote, and for better or worse, that's no exaggeration.
In an attempt to resurrect the Piranha franchise from the late 1970s-early '80s, as well as the good ol' creature feature, the producers of Piranha 3D have upped the ante; there's more blood, gore and titties per frame in this brisk 90-minute boat ride than your average teen boy can handle – and all in 3D! (They're gonna need more tissues.)
In the film's opening scene, a lone fisherman (Jaws' Richard Dreyfuss, in a visual gag that could easily backfire; it's never good to remind people of another, better killer fish film) becomes the first victim of a school of carnivorous carp when a small earthquake releases them from their once isolated prehistoric lake beneath the lake.
That's Lake Victoria, Arizona where America's undergrad population has descended for Spring break (funny, I always thought everyone went to Florida?), hence the high titty quotient. In no time at all it's a feeding frenzy as the piranha take advantage of the unwise mix of alcohol and watersports, notching one up for their fallen sushi brethren.
We get to witness all manner of carnage, with body parts all over the place – ew, an eye; OMG a penis! - and not just from the fish. A jock in speedboat does his fair share of damage in a scene that had my companion and I watching through spread fingers and 3D glasses, which is no mean feat.
Make no mistake: Piranha 3D is a B film and has no pretensions otherwise. Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd and a sleazy Jerry O'Connell (in speedos no less) could just be cashing cheques but they give as good as they've been given. The end result is a guilty pleasure of bloody proportions.